So, if it was not always physically driven or emotionally driven, what was the difference between love and lust. After working out and spending time with God, a very simple sentence came to mind. The difference between love and lust is, “love has an outward focus on the needs of others and lust has an inward focus on the pleasures of self.”

Love and lust can be easily confused, the fluttering in the heart, the desires that turn into actions and the overwhelming thoughts throughout the day. Yet, a key difference is the motive of the actions or thoughts.

Lust is satisfied when you are the recipient. The moment after you receive what you have been lusting for, you become satisfied, bored, or looking for the next fulfillment.
Conversely, love is satisfied when you give. The moment after giving you feel a sense of joy, accomplishment, or inner peace. This feeling carries you for sometime and you dream of ways to give more love again.

I believe that if I would have realized this difference in early 20s, my life and relationships would have been much different. I believe I could have been a greater blessing to those in my life and connected to me. However, I hope that by sharing this that those who may not have ever thought about the difference, can realize the difference and be a greater blessing to those in your life.

C.

I was being told by the movies, media (thank you CNN “Black in America”), and even friends that there really are no good women out there. I thought maybe it was because of my location, therefore I began to travel around while conducting business and I will find her. So, through business and speaking engagements, I am traveled the country. I was traveling conducting business but my head was on a swivel just in case.

One day, a thought ran across my mind, I don’t know if I thought it or it was placed there by the countless impressions from those around me saying the same thing, but I thought, maybe there aren’t any good women… What if I am single forever? I rejected that thought and dove headstrong in my work, community service and church. Whatever would consume my thinking… Days turned to weeks and weeks to months…

Until one day…

This day was much like any other and I heard a man say, “Take responsibility for your situation. Your situation is the result of your choices and actions.” It stuck with me and started a landslide of thoughts. Although, publicly, I was fine and content being the business man and “on the go.” Privately, I desired to have someone to come home to.

With that thought, “take responsibility for my situation,” I began at the beginning. I looked over past relationships and saw how many women were not good but great woman but due to my actions, lack of maturity, or self-centeredness were gone. After a few months of doing this personal self evaluation, I found several areas that I was lacking in and caused me to be blind to the good women that were before me the whole time.

My mother has a saying, “Perception is reality.” I want to extend it to, “Your perception is your reality.” Because of my flawed perception, my reality was that there weren’t any good women or it was hard to find a woman. When I froze the perception that I was looking out of, like broken glasses worn on the face, I saw that my vision was off. My lenses were slightly fractured and the world I operated in was the result of that.

Was the world actually fractured? No, just my perception. Only after taking the time to take responsibility for my actions could I identify my fractures in my perception. After identifying my fractures, I went to those that I look up to, those to whom I hold in high regard and I asked them what are the solutions to my fractures. I respected them enough and desired strongly to change that I began down the path to adjust, correct, and, renew my perspective.

Something interesting began to happen as I worked on my fractured bifocals. What I thought couldn’t be found was clearly and easily seen. The things that I desired in my life, could be attained with less blunt force because my vision had been aligned.

We live in a culture that is outwardly focused, self-centered, and honestly arrogant. We no longer live in a world where people take responsibility for their actions and the situations in which they live in. Due to this hesitation, fear, or strength, we continue to address only the symptoms of our problems but never the root. It isn’t anyone else’s fault that we missed that payment, that we got that speeding ticket, and that we have to work hard to come from behind.

We must take responsibility for our situations, only at that point can we begin to address the problems in ours life.

I hope that at the conclusion of this note, you never blame, slide, or push the blame onto anyone else. I hope that we can mature as a people and country and see that we are involved in the cause of our problems so we must be involved in the cause of the solutions.

So, you could say that we are all favored (the recipients of gracious kindness) because we have all done things that weren’t the best but [sometimes in the same day] received an act of gracious kindness.

I propose to you that the degree in which we recognize and appreciate the favor that we receive actually entitles you to more favor. If you are a parent, mentor, big brother/sister, or anyone in authority over someone else, when you do an act of gracious kindness to someone and they appreciate, recognize and thank you for it, does it not motivate you to do even more?

So to say that favor isn’t fair, I say is true, because who can actually say on their own merits/efforts/work they deserved to be favored (receive an act of gracious kindness).
So, I charge you, the next time you receive an act of favor (an act of gracious kindness) be thankful and watch more favor enter into your life.

I know, I know.. We all want to be attractive and desired by the opposite sex… but I have to go on record saying this is just a little bit much.

What happened to natural beauty that was actual natural? Why does everything have to be enhanced to an un-natural degree?

Women, I would strongly advise against this because if a man sees you in this, he will expect it. Not saying that looks are everything but you atleast want to get what you think you got. If you are one of those people that says looks aren’t everything, then great… you won’t purchase and wear this product.

I know I would be instantly turned off and worse case, this isn’t even a parody…

Right now Tiger Woods and his private matters have become quite public. This morning as I was watching ESPN they had more coverage on it and I began to think, what can I learn from this situation. One thing came to mind…

The importance of self control.

Now, I was in no way shape form or fashion on the same level of Tiger Woods but I did have an interesting college experience :joining a fraternity freshman year, going on to be Student Body President, starting a company on campus. Looking back, at the time, I could barely fit my head in the same room as other people. I felt like I could pretty much do what I wanted and how I wanted to do it.

So taking that feeling and multiplying by $1 Billion, I had a glimpse to how Tiger could have felt while sitting on top of the world. Now, during part of that time, I didn’t have a girlfriend and like I said, I felt like I could do anything that I wanted. After college, I went through a period of isolation where I dealt with alot of my weaknesses and areas that I had to improve in. Coming out of that, I had a closer relationship with God and a determination to be celibate until marriage.

Now, celibacy definitely started as a major challenge and I had  some interesting experiences as I became more comfortable with it. But now since starting down that road 3 years ago, I can see some of the most important lessons that I have learned. If I am to be as successful as I desire to be, I must learn how to control myself when no one else is going to hold me accountable. It is the battle within that is rarely fought while we dress up our exterior.

Now, I do not know if Tiger practiced celibacy or abstinence before marriage but I do know that for myself, that since going down this road, I am a stronger man and I no longer fall for the same temptation. If I continue on the path that I have set out to be on, hopefully  I would be protected from any of these types of Tiger Wood’s press releases.

So, I just ask that all of us that have aspirations to be great that we tackle our inner challenges. If not, when put under a international microscope, everything will be revealed. Sex can be a monster… Celibacy can help control it.

———————————————————

My prayer:

My prayers are with Tiger, his wife,and his children during this very sensitive time and I pray that the strength of God and correction of God will rest in Tiger and he will grow to become the internal man that God created him to be, and not just the professional juggernaut he has become. I pray for his wife that she is comforted with the love of God and that she knows that even in this time of betrayal there is one who never betrays and is always with her, Jesus. For his children, I pray that they are protected from unnecessary conversations and exposure, and that through this experience they gain a closer relationship with Christ, as he is the only perfect man to ever live on the earth, and that they will increase in compassion and love for both of their parents. Amen.

Those who know me, know that I am not afraid of people. I will approach anyone, at anytime and ask them just about anything (within reason). Those who know me also know that I hardly ever eat at Chick-Fil-A. So, on this particular day, when I felt a strong desire to eat at Chick-Fil-A, , I  was expecting something special to happen since I was doing something out of my norm.

When I finished ordering my food, I noticed an open table behind an elderly couple. Immediately, I admired the interaction between themselves and one of the managers they were engaged in conversation with. After a few moments of reading, I decided to ask them how they make their marriage work. So, I set down my book and I said, “Excuse me,  I am a young guy, how long have you been married?” The husband replied, “52 years.” That was the beginning of a short, yet profound conversation.

In that conversation he gave me a few principles that I believe can help anyone in or preparing for marriage. I asked him, “How did you all make it work for so long?” Of course many know the first thing, love. Before he was done saying the last letter in the word love, he started on the second principal, “a lot of hard, hard, hard work.” He didn’t say it like the movies pitch it with the man tired and the woman beating him, but he said it softly and with love. After that I smile and let him go because I didn’t want to bother him too much longer, plus I wanted to finish my book.

Later as the couple finished their meal, the gentleman stood up, tapped me on the shoulder and continues (as if we never stopped talking), “The younger generation expects too much too soon. They don’t give each other time to grow, develop and build momentum. [pause] Oh and I never believed in credit and I paid for everything cash. We had to make sacrifices. We were probably the last people in Greensboro to have a color television but I saved a few dollars each week and one day I went, paid $500 and bought my television.” You could tell he was proud of himself.

I thanked him for the wisdom and he very gently tugged on his wife’s sleeve implying that it was time to leave, and just like that, they were gone. They left as sweet and kindly as their conversation.

As I pondered the wisdom shared I realized that those 3 principles (love is foundational and expected) really summed up often forgotten principles of marriage or rather how to make a marriage work:

• Work Hard On the Relationship
• Work on Building a Foundation Together
• Work to Eliminate Debt

Eh, sounds good to me. Simple and direct. Just how I like to learn…

I begin to think a little long term…

Hmm, if I get with this girl and she gets the ring, the house, the life and she doesn’t change her ways somewhere along the road… she might shop all our money away! This may sound a little extreme but people don’t change just because they are in a relationship or married…

Needless to say, (that wasn’t the deciding factor) but I don’t talk to that young lady any more…

YOU AREN’T SPENDING MY DUCKETS!

Just playing… but then not completely…

just a thought.

C.

But the second one begins to do that, especially in an arena like relationships (where so many people desire to have a mate more than they desire to love themselves) it is like a shock or shot heard round the world.

People! Come On! If I desire to be married (which I do), but I am not married (which I am not), then why shouldn’t I love where I am currently in life! Why should I store up my future joy, when I have joy now!

A statement like that has nothing to do with past, present, or future relationships, it has to do with the fact that I as a human being am happy and content enough with myself that I can love being single.

What I ask, is stop looking at situations from your hurt, broken, busted point of view and begin to see how beautiful your current situation is. Being single is a lovely thing. Where else can I travel at the drop of a dime, come home and sleep all day, not be accountable to someone else, have my house exactly the way I want it, play music as loud as I want, dream big dreams and work as hard as I want to achieve them without someone asking me to come to bed. Being single is the time in your life to create the life you want for when you are married.

I am loving the process!

So, if you do not love being single and are (insert word – other than ‘hating’) on the fact that I am loving my process to become a wonderful husband and father, I don’t want to hear it and don’t tell anyone that is going to bring it back to me. I am too busy taking over the world to be bothered with foolish conversation that doesn’t yield profit.

Ok, now back to taking over the world…

Does a liar who tells you that 2 + 2 = 4 make the fact that 2 + 2 does equal 4 false?

or

Does an addict telling you that drugs kill make the fact that drugs kill false?

To a degree, it doesn’t matter the source, truth is truth. It doesn’t matter if the truth was delivered by God or by a rock. The truth is the truth. Well if you agree with that, why do we reject or judge truth dependent on the source that delivers it.

We all have battles within that can (if we allow them) lead us to do or say things that other times we wouldn’t want to do. But, why do we as humans throw out the baby with the bath water. I, once, heard a saying, “eat the meat, throw the bone.”

If we would all be a little more compassionate about those around us and the challenges that they face, we could produce an environment that would be more forgiving for the mistakes that people make. 99.9% of the time, we all know when we are doing something that we shouldn’t’ be doing. We don’t feel right on the inside, our spirits don’t sit still. So, those on the outside that know of people’s challenges would be much better off, encouraging and building up individuals rather than bringing them down to where you (the lowly person) maybe.

In addition, just because someone makes a mistakes doesn’t’ discredit the truth they may have said before, during or after. We are all human, with challenges that we have to overcome.

Let’s lend a hand, instead of delivering a slap.
Let’s people our fellow men (and women), instead of taking the easy way out and reducing them to a lower level…

C.

PS. Forgive me as I get back into the swing of writing, greatness is on the way!!!