Love vs. Lust

Earlier this morning, I woke up thinking about the difference between love and lust. I knew there was a difference in my heart, but was having a hard time verbalizing it. My first thought was that lust was primarily physical. However, after much thought, I realized that you can have an emotional lust for someone that you have never seen.

So, if it was not always physically driven or emotionally driven, what was the difference between love and lust. After working out and spending time with God, a very simple sentence came to mind. The difference between love and lust is, “love has an outward focus on the needs of others and lust has an inward focus on the pleasures of self.”

Love and lust can be easily confused, the fluttering in the heart, the desires that turn into actions and the overwhelming thoughts throughout the day. Yet, a key difference is the motive of the actions or thoughts.

Lust is satisfied when you are the recipient. The moment after you receive what you have been lusting for, you become satisfied, bored, or looking for the next fulfillment.
Conversely, love is satisfied when you give. The moment after giving you feel a sense of joy, accomplishment, or inner peace. This feeling carries you for sometime and you dream of ways to give more love again.

I believe that if I would have realized this difference in early 20s, my life and relationships would have been much different. I believe I could have been a greater blessing to those in my life and connected to me. However, I hope that by sharing this that those who may not have ever thought about the difference, can realize the difference and be a greater blessing to those in your life.

C.

Teenagers, Instant Messaging and Situations

I received this as a forward and I usually never forward forwards but this one struck me. I wanted to read it because I was a child that grew up on the computer and this could had been me. Even more, with our currently culture, this can happen to even more children and I pray never to my own. Therefore, I hope you enjoy this and share it with those that you feel it could bless. Whether the story is true or not, it still sends a message that should be recieved by all considering the times we live in.

Before I Say There Aren’t Any Good Women…

I was being told by the movies, media (thank you CNN “Black in America”), and even friends that there really are no good women out there. I thought maybe it was because of my location, therefore I began to travel around while conducting business and I will find her. So, through business and speaking engagements, I am traveled the country. I was traveling conducting business but my head was on a swivel just in case.

One day, a thought ran across my mind, I don’t know if I thought it or it was placed there by the countless impressions from those around me saying the same thing, but I thought, maybe there aren’t any good women… What if I am single forever? I rejected that thought and dove headstrong in my work, community service and church. Whatever would consume my thinking… Days turned to weeks and weeks to months…

Until one day…

This day was much like any other and I heard a man say, “Take responsibility for your situation. Your situation is the result of your choices and actions.” It stuck with me and started a landslide of thoughts. Although, publicly, I was fine and content being the business man and “on the go.” Privately, I desired to have someone to come home to.

With that thought, “take responsibility for my situation,” I began at the beginning. I looked over past relationships and saw how many women were not good but great woman but due to my actions, lack of maturity, or self-centeredness were gone. After a few months of doing this personal self evaluation, I found several areas that I was lacking in and caused me to be blind to the good women that were before me the whole time.

My mother has a saying, “Perception is reality.” I want to extend it to, “Your perception is your reality.” Because of my flawed perception, my reality was that there weren’t any good women or it was hard to find a woman. When I froze the perception that I was looking out of, like broken glasses worn on the face, I saw that my vision was off. My lenses were slightly fractured and the world I operated in was the result of that.

Was the world actually fractured? No, just my perception. Only after taking the time to take responsibility for my actions could I identify my fractures in my perception. After identifying my fractures, I went to those that I look up to, those to whom I hold in high regard and I asked them what are the solutions to my fractures. I respected them enough and desired strongly to change that I began down the path to adjust, correct, and, renew my perspective.

Something interesting began to happen as I worked on my fractured bifocals. What I thought couldn’t be found was clearly and easily seen. The things that I desired in my life, could be attained with less blunt force because my vision had been aligned.

We live in a culture that is outwardly focused, self-centered, and honestly arrogant. We no longer live in a world where people take responsibility for their actions and the situations in which they live in. Due to this hesitation, fear, or strength, we continue to address only the symptoms of our problems but never the root. It isn’t anyone else’s fault that we missed that payment, that we got that speeding ticket, and that we have to work hard to come from behind.

We must take responsibility for our situations, only at that point can we begin to address the problems in ours life.

I hope that at the conclusion of this note, you never blame, slide, or push the blame onto anyone else. I hope that we can mature as a people and country and see that we are involved in the cause of our problems so we must be involved in the cause of the solutions.

So Favor Isn’t Fair?

What is Favor? There are several definitions but I am going to choose this one, “an act of gracious kindness.” You could also say that favor is being blessed (receive an act of gracious kindness) even when we don’t deserve it.

So, you could say that we are all favored (the recipients of gracious kindness) because we have all done things that weren’t the best but [sometimes in the same day] received an act of gracious kindness.

I propose to you that the degree in which we recognize and appreciate the favor that we receive actually entitles you to more favor. If you are a parent, mentor, big brother/sister, or anyone in authority over someone else, when you do an act of gracious kindness to someone and they appreciate, recognize and thank you for it, does it not motivate you to do even more?

So to say that favor isn’t fair, I say is true, because who can actually say on their own merits/efforts/work they deserved to be favored (receive an act of gracious kindness).
So, I charge you, the next time you receive an act of favor (an act of gracious kindness) be thankful and watch more favor enter into your life.

Padded Underwear?! Really This Must Stop

I know, I know.. We all want to be attractive and desired by the opposite sex… but I have to go on record saying this is just a little bit much.

What happened to natural beauty that was actual natural? Why does everything have to be enhanced to an un-natural degree?

Women, I would strongly advise against this because if a man sees you in this, he will expect it. Not saying that looks are everything but you atleast want to get what you think you got. If you are one of those people that says looks aren’t everything, then great… you won’t purchase and wear this product.

I know I would be instantly turned off and worse case, this isn’t even a parody…

Tiger’s Infidelity Connected to My Celibacy

Right now Tiger Woods and his private matters have become quite public. This morning as I was watching ESPN they had more coverage on it and I began to think, what can I learn from this situation. One thing came to mind…

The importance of self control.

Now, I was in no way shape form or fashion on the same level of Tiger Woods but I did have an interesting college experience :joining a fraternity freshman year, going on to be Student Body President, starting a company on campus. Looking back, at the time, I could barely fit my head in the same room as other people. I felt like I could pretty much do what I wanted and how I wanted to do it.

So taking that feeling and multiplying by $1 Billion, I had a glimpse to how Tiger could have felt while sitting on top of the world. Now, during part of that time, I didn’t have a girlfriend and like I said, I felt like I could do anything that I wanted. After college, I went through a period of isolation where I dealt with alot of my weaknesses and areas that I had to improve in. Coming out of that, I had a closer relationship with God and a determination to be celibate until marriage.

Now, celibacy definitely started as a major challenge and I had  some interesting experiences as I became more comfortable with it. But now since starting down that road 3 years ago, I can see some of the most important lessons that I have learned. If I am to be as successful as I desire to be, I must learn how to control myself when no one else is going to hold me accountable. It is the battle within that is rarely fought while we dress up our exterior.

Now, I do not know if Tiger practiced celibacy or abstinence before marriage but I do know that for myself, that since going down this road, I am a stronger man and I no longer fall for the same temptation. If I continue on the path that I have set out to be on, hopefully  I would be protected from any of these types of Tiger Wood’s press releases.

So, I just ask that all of us that have aspirations to be great that we tackle our inner challenges. If not, when put under a international microscope, everything will be revealed. Sex can be a monster… Celibacy can help control it.

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My prayer:

My prayers are with Tiger, his wife,and his children during this very sensitive time and I pray that the strength of God and correction of God will rest in Tiger and he will grow to become the internal man that God created him to be, and not just the professional juggernaut he has become. I pray for his wife that she is comforted with the love of God and that she knows that even in this time of betrayal there is one who never betrays and is always with her, Jesus. For his children, I pray that they are protected from unnecessary conversations and exposure, and that through this experience they gain a closer relationship with Christ, as he is the only perfect man to ever live on the earth, and that they will increase in compassion and love for both of their parents. Amen.