calvin f. williams, jr. » Personal Development

Before I Say There Aren’t Any Good Women…

Calvin — Fri, 14 May 2010 14:32:38 +0000

It is a very clear memory. It was a few years ago and as unmarried man that aspires to one day be married and have a family (yes I am admitting it, lol), I felt this thought creep up from my subconscious to my conscious to even coming out of my mouth. It was a most perplexing situation, here I was a single man, no kids, no stds, had a job, a home, and an automobile. It should be easy for me to find what I was looking for. But, alas, a challenge was before me.

I was being told by the movies, media (thank you CNN “Black in America”), and even friends that there really are no good women out there. I thought maybe it was because of my location, therefore I began to travel around while conducting business and I will find her. So, through business and speaking engagements, I am traveled the country. I was traveling conducting business but my head was on a swivel just in case.

One day, a thought ran across my mind, I don’t know if I thought it or it was placed there by the countless impressions from those around me saying the same thing, but I thought, maybe there aren’t any good women… What if I am single forever? I rejected that thought and dove headstrong in my work, community service and church. Whatever would consume my thinking… Days turned to weeks and weeks to months…

Until one day…

This day was much like any other and I heard a man say, “Take responsibility for your situation. Your situation is the result of your choices and actions.” It stuck with me and started a landslide of thoughts. Although, publicly, I was fine and content being the business man and “on the go.” Privately, I desired to have someone to come home to.

With that thought, “take responsibility for my situation,” I began at the beginning. I looked over past relationships and saw how many women were not good but great woman but due to my actions, lack of maturity, or self-centeredness were gone. After a few months of doing this personal self evaluation, I found several areas that I was lacking in and caused me to be blind to the good women that were before me the whole time.

My mother has a saying, “Perception is reality.” I want to extend it to, “Your perception is your reality.” Because of my flawed perception, my reality was that there weren’t any good women or it was hard to find a woman. When I froze the perception that I was looking out of, like broken glasses worn on the face, I saw that my vision was off. My lenses were slightly fractured and the world I operated in was the result of that.

Was the world actually fractured? No, just my perception. Only after taking the time to take responsibility for my actions could I identify my fractures in my perception. After identifying my fractures, I went to those that I look up to, those to whom I hold in high regard and I asked them what are the solutions to my fractures. I respected them enough and desired strongly to change that I began down the path to adjust, correct, and, renew my perspective.

Something interesting began to happen as I worked on my fractured bifocals. What I thought couldn’t be found was clearly and easily seen. The things that I desired in my life, could be attained with less blunt force because my vision had been aligned.

We live in a culture that is outwardly focused, self-centered, and honestly arrogant. We no longer live in a world where people take responsibility for their actions and the situations in which they live in. Due to this hesitation, fear, or strength, we continue to address only the symptoms of our problems but never the root. It isn’t anyone else’s fault that we missed that payment, that we got that speeding ticket, and that we have to work hard to come from behind.

We must take responsibility for our situations, only at that point can we begin to address the problems in ours life.

I hope that at the conclusion of this note, you never blame, slide, or push the blame onto anyone else. I hope that we can mature as a people and country and see that we are involved in the cause of our problems so we must be involved in the cause of the solutions.

So Favor Isn’t Fair?

Calvin — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:30:19 +0000

What is Favor? There are several definitions but I am going to choose this one, “an act of gracious kindness.” You could also say that favor is being blessed (receive an act of gracious kindness) even when we don’t deserve it.

So, you could say that we are all favored (the recipients of gracious kindness) because we have all done things that weren’t the best but [sometimes in the same day] received an act of gracious kindness.

I propose to you that the degree in which we recognize and appreciate the favor that we receive actually entitles you to more favor. If you are a parent, mentor, big brother/sister, or anyone in authority over someone else, when you do an act of gracious kindness to someone and they appreciate, recognize and thank you for it, does it not motivate you to do even more?

So to say that favor isn’t fair, I say is true, because who can actually say on their own merits/efforts/work they deserved to be favored (receive an act of gracious kindness).
So, I charge you, the next time you receive an act of favor (an act of gracious kindness) be thankful and watch more favor enter into your life.

#ManMeals – Grilled Greek Chicken

Calvin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:12:30 +0000

What is a #ManMeal?

A Man Meal is a meal that any man can make even with limited cooking skills! I started doing this because I am a man and I want meals that I can easily make and taste better than rice + sugar! So, if you have any suggestions please do not hesitate to let me know…

Now, I can’t take credit for this meal, this is all Ms. Underhill for this one. So thank her! Please check out Decadent Butters, the sponsor for this #ManMeal!

Enjoy

Grilled Greek Chicken

Ingredients

2-4 chicken breasts
1/3 cup olive oil
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
2 lemons, juiced

Directions

In a glass dish, mix the olive oil, garlic, rosemary, thyme, oregano, and lemon juice. Place the chicken pieces in the mixture, cover, and marinate in the refrigerator 8 hours or overnight.
Preheat grill for high heat.
Lightly oil the grill grate. Place chicken on the grill, and discard the marinade. Cook chicken pieces up to 15 minutes per side, until juices run clear. Smaller pieces will not take as long.

#ManMeal – Kabobs

Calvin — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 21:10:35 +0000

What is a #ManMeal?

Now, I can’t take credit for this meal, this is all Ms. Underhill for this one. So thank her! Please check out Decadent Butters, the sponsor for this #ManMeal! :Kabobs

Ingredients

1/2 cup water
1/2 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon sea or coarse salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
2 red bell peppers, cut into 2 inch pieces
1 large sweet onion, peeled and cut into wedges
1 1/2 cups whole fresh mushrooms
1 1/2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (lamb, beef or your choice of meat) – cut into cubes
10 skewers

Directions

In a large bowl, mix the water, honey, garlic powder, salt, black pepper and ginger. Place red bell peppers, onion wedges, mushrooms, and chicken in the bowl with the marinade. Cover with saran wrap, and refrigerate 4 to 24 hours.
Preheat grill for medium-high heat.
Discard marinade, and thread the meat and vegetables onto skewers, leaving a small space between each item. *If using wooden skewers make sure to soak in water for an hour.
Lightly oil the grill grate. Grill skewers for 10 minutes, turning as needed, or until meat is cooked through and vegetables are tender.

#ManMeals – Grilled Salmon

Calvin — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:06:51 +0000

What is a #ManMeal?

Now, I can’t take credit for this meal, this is all Ms. Underhill for this one. So thank her! Please check out Decadent Butters, the sponsor for this #ManMeal! :

Grilled Salmon

Ingredients

2 salmon fillets, bones and skin removed
1 lemon, thinly sliced
4 sprigs fresh rosemary
Sea salt to taste
1 tablespoon olive oil, or as needed

Directions

Preheat the grill for high heat.
Arrange half the lemon slices in a single layer in aluminum foil. Layer with 2 sprigs rosemary, and top with salmon fillets. Sprinkle salmon with salt, layer with remaining rosemary sprigs, and top with remaining lemon slices. Drizzle with olive oil.
Grill for 20 minutes, or until fish is easily flaked with a fork.

#2010 Goals – If You Haven’t Done Yours Yet

Calvin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 20:57:48 +0000

I am sure I am not the only one to do my #2010 Goals and I am actually glad I hadn’t. I learned something today that is huge (I am going to wait to share it though and it would had drastically affected my #2010 Goals.

So, if you are looking to make goals for this year and need some place to start, I hope that this list will help you. Now, you can do goals for every sub area or just the major areas, either way it is up to you and I hope this helps.

Major Areas of Your Life:

Personal
Family
Professional
Community

Personal Sub Areas:

Spiritual
Financial
Health & Fitness
Education & Mental Development
Social Life & Relationship
Activities

Family Sub Areas:

Spouse
Home Life
Children
Parents
Extended Family

Community Sub Areas:

Local Community
National Community
International Community

What Do I Suggest? I suggest that you first look at these areas and start with the answer to this question, “What do I want to have accomplished in these areas [major or sub] when I die?” Then work backwards until you are at #2010.

*Hint* Please ensure you have someone that you can be accountable with so they will come back and check with you in 3 months to see if you have made any progress.

You Were Beautiful Before…

Calvin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 14:36:13 +0000

You were beautiful before you graduated and got your degree.
You were beautiful before you grossed $50k or $100k.
You were beautiful before you put on those $100 jeans.
You were beautiful before you started your luxury car.
You were beautiful before you bought your house.
You were beautiful before you bought those shoes.
You were beautiful before you put on make up this morning.
You were beautiful before you got a job.
You were beautiful before you met him/her.
You were beautiful before you gave in to what you believe to satisfy someone else.
You were beautiful before you drank just to fit in.

You were beautiful before all these things because your beauty is not determine by anything external. What makes you beautiful is that you were wonderfully made.

You are beautiful because God loved you before you loved yourself. You are beautiful because you were created with a purpose in mind and that purpose is just as beautiful as you.

Remember, nothing you can do or add makes you beautiful, you were beautiful before.

Why I Gave Away A $400.00 Watch

Calvin — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 23:54:00 +0000

I always grew up in love with watches. Not the flossy, huge diamonds, very flash kind but the very corporate, very sophisticated, grown watches. My father always had very nice wrist wear so I took that on. After I started my business and began to experience a little bit of success, one of the first things that I did was buy my first “expensive” (to me) watch.

I loved that watch. I wore it all the time, actually too much as defined by a good stylish friend of mine. Back to the story…

This watch wasn’t just a piece of metal that helped me tell the time but it was a sign to myself and my sign to others (I had self image problems back then, lol) that I was making it.

When I went through a hard time and business started to go down, I got behind in my bills and had to make some very tough life decisions, at least I looked like I was still making it and my watched helped me achieve that.

However, an opportunity arose when I could give the watch away to bless someone else. I had about a 3-5 minute window to make my decision, was I going to obey the prompting I felt within or hold on to my last symbol of (false) prosperity. The battle waged on as I thought about the advantages and disadvantages of the, but a few thoughts overrode my selfish thinking…

It is better to give than to receive.
After giving, you can always to expect to receive a blessing somewhere in your life, it is like sowing and reaping crops in a field.
Is my self worth defined by what I have or who I am?

So, I did it. I gave the watch. I can remember looking at my wrist feeling so naked and not just because I took off my watch but because that was my only business watch. I had a Timex (that I loved) and a Fossil watch (given to me as a present) but the Bulova was my baby. Days, turned to weeks, and now months, I still don’t have a business watch but I will tell you this.

When I gave that watch, it was probably one of the best things I could have done. It was the last piece of a false identity, the last chain that was holding me back forcing myself into the American Dream box. As time has passed, I have realized that my self worth was far greater than any object, but I would never have been able to make that realization as long as I held on to objects.

I see why Jesus told the Rich Young Man to give all he had, not so Jesus could collect it but so the young man could separate his self worth from his net worth. How can I expect to give away cars, houses, and millions of dollars later in life, if I can’t start now? Well, I passed that test and I know I can.

PS. I have no problem with nice watches and nice things because as soon as deemed appropriate, look at my wrist, my suit, my car, and my house!

Padded Underwear?! Really This Must Stop

Calvin — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 12:14:51 +0000

I know, I know.. We all want to be attractive and desired by the opposite sex… but I have to go on record saying this is just a little bit much.

What happened to natural beauty that was actual natural? Why does everything have to be enhanced to an un-natural degree?

Women, I would strongly advise against this because if a man sees you in this, he will expect it. Not saying that looks are everything but you atleast want to get what you think you got. If you are one of those people that says looks aren’t everything, then great… you won’t purchase and wear this product.

I know I would be instantly turned off and worse case, this isn’t even a parody…

NCAT MLK Event Feature Roland Martin

Calvin — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 03:11:20 +0000

The North Carolina A&T State University Student Affairs, Student Union, University Observance Committee and Lyceum Committee are proud to present to you “The Dream No Longer His, Now Ours,” event featuring CNN Analyst, TV One Commentator, Award Winning Journalist and Author Roland Martin.

A limited number of tickets (I estimate under 500 to view it in person, there is an overflow thanks to technology) are available to A&T Students and the general community for FREE at the North Carolina A&T Ticket Office.

Unfortunately, the only way to get tickets is to actually go on campus and buy the tickets in person.