Before I Say There Aren’t Any Good Women…

I was being told by the movies, media (thank you CNN “Black in America”), and even friends that there really are no good women out there. I thought maybe it was because of my location, therefore I began to travel around while conducting business and I will find her. So, through business and speaking engagements, I am traveled the country. I was traveling conducting business but my head was on a swivel just in case.

One day, a thought ran across my mind, I don’t know if I thought it or it was placed there by the countless impressions from those around me saying the same thing, but I thought, maybe there aren’t any good women… What if I am single forever? I rejected that thought and dove headstrong in my work, community service and church. Whatever would consume my thinking… Days turned to weeks and weeks to months…

Until one day…

This day was much like any other and I heard a man say, “Take responsibility for your situation. Your situation is the result of your choices and actions.” It stuck with me and started a landslide of thoughts. Although, publicly, I was fine and content being the business man and “on the go.” Privately, I desired to have someone to come home to.

With that thought, “take responsibility for my situation,” I began at the beginning. I looked over past relationships and saw how many women were not good but great woman but due to my actions, lack of maturity, or self-centeredness were gone. After a few months of doing this personal self evaluation, I found several areas that I was lacking in and caused me to be blind to the good women that were before me the whole time.

My mother has a saying, “Perception is reality.” I want to extend it to, “Your perception is your reality.” Because of my flawed perception, my reality was that there weren’t any good women or it was hard to find a woman. When I froze the perception that I was looking out of, like broken glasses worn on the face, I saw that my vision was off. My lenses were slightly fractured and the world I operated in was the result of that.

Was the world actually fractured? No, just my perception. Only after taking the time to take responsibility for my actions could I identify my fractures in my perception. After identifying my fractures, I went to those that I look up to, those to whom I hold in high regard and I asked them what are the solutions to my fractures. I respected them enough and desired strongly to change that I began down the path to adjust, correct, and, renew my perspective.

Something interesting began to happen as I worked on my fractured bifocals. What I thought couldn’t be found was clearly and easily seen. The things that I desired in my life, could be attained with less blunt force because my vision had been aligned.

We live in a culture that is outwardly focused, self-centered, and honestly arrogant. We no longer live in a world where people take responsibility for their actions and the situations in which they live in. Due to this hesitation, fear, or strength, we continue to address only the symptoms of our problems but never the root. It isn’t anyone else’s fault that we missed that payment, that we got that speeding ticket, and that we have to work hard to come from behind.

We must take responsibility for our situations, only at that point can we begin to address the problems in ours life.

I hope that at the conclusion of this note, you never blame, slide, or push the blame onto anyone else. I hope that we can mature as a people and country and see that we are involved in the cause of our problems so we must be involved in the cause of the solutions.