A Marriage for a Lifetime in 3 Simple Statements

Posted: December 13th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Relationships | 2 Comments »
How A Man Married for 52 Years Summed How To Do It in 3 Simple Statements
Those who know me, know that I am not afraid of people. I will approach anyone, at anytime and ask them just about anything (within reason). Those who know me also know that I hardly ever eat at Chick-Fil-A. So, on this particular day, when I felt a strong desire to eat at Chick-Fil-A, , I  was expecting something special to happen since I was doing something out of my norm.
When I finished ordering my food, I noticed an open table behind an elderly couple. Immediately, I admired the interaction between themselves and one of the managers they were engaged in conversation with. After a few moments of reading, I decided to ask them how they make their marriage work. So, I set down my book and I said, “Excuse me,  I am a young guy, how long have you been married?” The husband replied, “52 years.” That was the beginning of a short, yet profound conversation.
In that conversation he gave me a few principles that I believe can help anyone in or preparing for marriage. I asked him, “How did you all make it work for so long?” Of course many know the first thing, love. Before he was done saying the last letter in the word love, he started on the second principal, “a lot of hard, hard, hard work.” He didn’t say it like the movies pitch it with the man tired and the woman beating him, but he said it softly and with love. After that I smile and let him go because I didn’t want to bother him too much longer, plus I wanted to finish my book.
Later as the couple finished their meal, the gentleman stood up, tapped me on the shoulder and continues (as if we never stopped talking), “The younger generation expects too much too soon. They don’t give each other time to grow, develop and build momentum. [pause] Oh and I never believed in credit and I paid for everything cash. We had to make sacrifices. We were probably the last people in Greensboro to have a color television but I saved a few dollars each week and one day I went, paid $500 and bought my television.” You could tell he was proud of himself.
I thanked him for the wisdom and he very gently tugged on his wife’s sleeve implying that it was time to leave, and just like that, they were gone. They left as sweet and kindly as their conversation.
As I pondered the wisdom shared I realized that those 3 principles (love is foundational and expected) really summed up often forgotten principles of marriage or rather how to make a marriage work:
Work Hard On the Relationship
Work on Building a Foundation Together
Work to Eliminate Debt
Eh, sounds good to me. Simple and direct. Just how I like to learn…

Those who know me, know that I am not afraid of people. I will approach anyone, at anytime and ask them just about anything (within reason). Those who know me also know that I hardly ever eat at Chick-Fil-A. So, on this particular day, when I felt a strong desire to eat at Chick-Fil-A, , I  was expecting something special to happen since I was doing something out of my norm.

When I finished ordering my food, I noticed an open table behind an elderly couple. Immediately, I admired the interaction between themselves and one of the managers they were engaged in conversation with. After a few moments of reading, I decided to ask them how they make their marriage work. So, I set down my book and I said, “Excuse me,  I am a young guy, how long have you been married?” The husband replied, “52 years.” That was the beginning of a short, yet profound conversation.

In that conversation he gave me a few principles that I believe can help anyone in or preparing for marriage. I asked him, “How did you all make it work for so long?” Of course many know the first thing, love. Before he was done saying the last letter in the word love, he started on the second principal, “a lot of hard, hard, hard work.” He didn’t say it like the movies pitch it with the man tired and the woman beating him, but he said it softly and with love. After that I smile and let him go because I didn’t want to bother him too much longer, plus I wanted to finish my book.

Later as the couple finished their meal, the gentleman stood up, tapped me on the shoulder and continues (as if we never stopped talking), “The younger generation expects too much too soon. They don’t give each other time to grow, develop and build momentum. [pause] Oh and I never believed in credit and I paid for everything cash. We had to make sacrifices. We were probably the last people in Greensboro to have a color television but I saved a few dollars each week and one day I went, paid $500 and bought my television.” You could tell he was proud of himself.

I thanked him for the wisdom and he very gently tugged on his wife’s sleeve implying that it was time to leave, and just like that, they were gone. They left as sweet and kindly as their conversation.

As I pondered the wisdom shared I realized that those 3 principles (love is foundational and expected) really summed up often forgotten principles of marriage or rather how to make a marriage work:

  • Work Hard On the Relationship
  • Work on Building a Foundation Together
  • Work to Eliminate Debt

Eh, sounds good to me. Simple and direct. Just how I like to learn…

2 Comments on “A Marriage for a Lifetime in 3 Simple Statements”

  1. 1 Lidia-Anain said at 11:24 am on December 14th, 2009:

    Great Post.

    Sounds very close to advice that a couple who were about to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary gave me.

    They were in their 90′s and when I saw the way they took care of one another I curiously asked how long they had been married.

    The husband answered, "Almost 75 years," he looked at his wife and she smiled then he added, "the first HUNDRED years are the hardest!"

    Love like that is amazing but I think many in our generation lack that hard work to make it last those first hundred years.

  2. 2 Craig Stokes said at 11:29 am on December 14th, 2009:

    This a great post and the three points you received from the man were dead on. Good stuff Cal!

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